Covid kitty

The Cats.

I had 2 cats that I acquired from the same litter. Aero and Cranberry. Aero was my cuddle cat, Cram aka Cranberry was my cat dog. She was a cat that did everything a dog would do. I even took her on walks on a leash. Cram and I had a close bond; a bond that took a long time. I still remember when I first got her… she was 8 weeks old and so mean and feisty at such a young age that I threatened to take her back. She was a black/white tuxedo cat.

On the other hand, Aero, in the sun, was dark brown, red and golden brown but in the shadows she looked like a black cat. She was warm and tender and loved to cuddle. I would always say that had she been a mom to kittens, she would have made a great one.  I had them for as many years as there were 2000’s in years. I lost them around their late 19 years of life. First Aero, on May 6, 2019 and then Cranberry on Nov 8, 2019. I remember thinking… I am finally free. I missed them horribly, and I know it sounds horribly inconsiderate, but for once I had no responsibility to anyone or anything in over nearly 30 years. I had decided I wanted to go pet free for a while, and if and when I retired or had more time, I would get a dog. But I didn’t see myself getting any pet for a while. For the first time in a long time, it was just me. I was responsible only for me. It was November and I began to consider the upcoming holidays. I had nearly 2 weeks paid leave for the winter holidays and I began to look for places to go.

I began looking for cruises… the dates never quite fit the dates I was available, or if the dates fit, it was someplace I wouldn’t want to travel, at least not alone. So eventually I gave up on my cruise search and accepted it was not meant for me for this year. Then I thought, maybe Disney World… So I began to search the full cost for Christmas, and well, seeing as Christmas makes it all the more “magical”, I was priced out. I couldn’t believe how much more it costs to go in December. Instead, I decided to just stay home. I figured, why not… just stay home and enjoy the calm.

But God put it in my spirit to go see my best friend since childhood. He pretty much said, Go! So  I called and asked if it were ok, and she agreed. I was scheduled to leave on December 24^th, 2019. On December 23 2019, my son calls me and tells me he was coming over with my Christmas gift. He arrives a while later… enters my house, is holding something under his poncho… He then shows me what is underneath… a cardboard box… as in an animal… he is giving me a pet… Oh God! No! No! NOO! I had just lost both my cats, the last one just the month prior and I was still mourning them. Plus I was really enjoying the “me” time. Plus I was getting ready for my trip the next day. I couldn’t have this cat in the box. I had been taking care of someone or something for nearly 30 years. For the first time in nearly 30 years, I was no longer responsible for another life or lives beyond my own. Since November, the prior month, I had to shift. Learn to deal with just me. I had just begun getting used to not being responsible for anything or anyone else for the first time in decades. Then my son walks into my house with a cardboard box, and threw me right back into a rabbit hole towards Wonderland.

I remember crying, being upset, saying no… no no!! I cried, he cried, I felt the guilt, so I grudgingly caved and said that I would keep her but he had to find someplace to keep her until I got back from down south. He agreed to have a friend care for the cat until I returned in a week on New Year’s Day. He had dogs, so couldn’t be staying with him.
All I could think about was coming home to that cat. I didn’t want another pet and felt forced to have one. I whined to God the whole time I was there. Oddly enough, I was also sick to my stomach the whole time I was there. I would get this nauseous dizziness that would overcome me. I wondered what was wrong. It began shortly after I got there and remained until I left. It had nothing to do with what I was eating or drinking… but I knew something was wrong deep inside. I have always been sensitive to things and wondered why I was feeling so sick and ill at ease.  I was not at ease at all. My friend V teased and asked me if I was pregnant.  Still, I endured it and enjoyed the time I spent with my friend. Plus during that time, I got to see 2 specific people I loved that I had not seen in over 15 years, being unaware that that would be the very last time I ever would again. I believe this is why God told me to… Go! That is probably why He blocked all other options for me, even staying home. And He did say it was also to give me time to adjust to the idea of a surprise new pet.

So the day after the cat ordeal, I left to the warm December 2019 of the southern US, heading back to the cold northeast. During the whole trip I whined to God. “I don’t want this cat; I don’t need this cat, why did You let this happen? You knew I wouldn’t want this.” Whaaa whaaa whaaa… It continued through to the plane trip back. At which time, during a lull… as I looked out the window of the plane, I heard… “Are you done?” 

Clear as day…

 Are.

You.

Done?

The thing about paying attention to God’s still small voice is that you learn to recognize it… the same way a mother recognizes her baby’s cries. The same way a child knows his father’s voice, even in the dark.
When those three words landed upon my heart, I was ashamed. I then heard… “That cat is not just a gift from your son, but also from Me. This cat needs you and you are going to need this cat.”

And I, of course, being stubborn as ever, argued. LOL, yes, I was a stubborn, headstrong child, always… still am. Good thing He loves me, hard head and all. On Jan 3, 2020 I texted my friend V, that I had just returned from seeing, and told her I was keeping the cat because God told me I was going to need this cat… and although I disagreed, I understood that God could see what I could not, so I had resigned to keeping the cat. Two and a half months later, covid hit and, well, I am glad I had the cat, because she kept me company. Without her, I would have been isolated and alone, since we were told we would be working from home indefinitely due to covid.

As always, God was right…. I would need her as much as she needed me; probably more. She turned out to have survived some kind of trauma. Something I myself know a thing or two about. So she got me through isolation, and I am getting her through trusting and not being so jittery and jumpy. And after years, she is finally allowing me to hold her. So we did need each other. God is good. I am glad He favors me and overlooks my ignorance and shows grace in spite of my occasional disobedience. Don’t know the reason, and I may never know the reason, but praise Him that He does show me favor. Without His Grace and Mercy, I would not be here to tell you my story. Amen!
In a bit I will copy and paste the text conversation with my friend V from that Jan 3^rd, 2020 where I told her that I planned to keep the cat because God said I would need it. I disagreed, because I am hard headed, but I kept the cat because I also knew that He could see what I could not. COVID.  Just less than 3 months after covid hit and the whole world went into chaos, thanks to my son and my God, I did not have to go through it alone even while in isolation.