God.

To some, that is the most powerful 3 letter word in the English language.

God.

And then there is the number six. Six was the age wherein He called me.
And again there was six. Six was the age I answered His call.

No one sent me to church… No one took me to church, I just one day went… when I heard His still small voice.

I recognized His voice like I had been hearing it forever.

Perhaps I had…

All I know is that one day, I was in a strange church I had never been to,
within a religion I knew nothing about, (which I learned later was Baptist but I was born into a Catholic family), all by myself I went, by hopping on a church bus one Sunday.

That is what I did. I hopped a church bus by myself at age 6 without telling anyone (that I am aware of…)
and I went to church.

Because God said… ‘Come to me.’, and I heard it somewhere deep in my spirit. I didn’t ask why, when He asked me to jump on that bus. I just did it…
…because there was something about Him that seemed so good that I trusted Him with a trust…

I held for no one else.

You see, by the age of six, I was already damaged.

He came and said to my broken childhood spirit… He said,
‘Take hold of my cuff, and though the world seem to fall out from under you, if you never let go, I will do all else to keep you. And should you let go in a time of weakness,
I Am here to catch you, Always.’

He has never failed me.

However, I know I have failed myself in failing Him.

And I have.

More times than I care to admit.

I allowed the spirit of fear,
which I had tamed for so many years,
to break me into submission again after so long of having kept it in submission and having kept the control…through faith.

But my faith failed me…

Or…

I failed my faith…

Either way, I failed.
And these, my words, are my attempt to restore and reinstate,
God’s will for me in my life… His will from which I deviated for way too long. He knew my greatest desire was to one day hold in my hand a book written, published, and created by and for me. To see it in bookstores. To do signings, Interviews, all of it. I dreamed of it.

But He told me I would not be published until I scattered His ashes…
These, my words, are His ashes, He said to me…

Scatter them… and then, and only then, will you be published for the masses.

I was called to scatter His ashes…via my words and testimonials, into the four winds, and reach the whole world. It was the dream He gave me at age 15. A dream I recall as though I woke from it this morning. He never let me forget. For it was then when He made known to me, what I have come to understand as my mission and purpose in His kingdom.

He told me what He wanted and what I needed to do a while ago. And by a while, I mean decades, and still I continued in my disobedience.

I kept thinking that if I would get published within the mainstream market first, and then, once published, I would write my testimonials.

God said, put me first, and then…

Yet still I continued my path of worldly endeavors in writing. Yeah, like I said, I’m hardheaded.

It wasn’t until the optometrist wrote those words on a referral form, that woke me up. It read… “Is she legally blind?”

The wake up call I needed to finally begin doing what God had waited decades for. He didn’t have to wait on me. But I thank Him for His grace and Mercy… and mostly I thank Him for His patience with is old fool.

So I begin my testimonials with this…
His words to me,
The title of my site and blog

Not Until You Scatter My Ashes.